There are many pieces of marriage advice and ideas about how marriage should work that are actually myths and may be harmful to your marriage. Here are some of the most common ones and why they are closer to fiction than fact.
If I find ‘The Right One’, we won’t have to work hard to make our marriage work. Everything will just fall into place.
The idea of that finding the ‘right one’ will lead to a perfect, trouble -free marriage is not very realistic. Your spouse can’t read your mind, so you can’t expect him to somehow always know what you need or what makes you happy. In reality, it takes work to communicate our needs and ideas and to listen to those of our spouse. Also, expecting the ‘right one’ to make you feel fulfilled and happy may only lead to disappointment. Your spouse can help compliment feeling emotionally fulfilled and happy, but only after you have first found fulfillment and happiness from within yourself.
Having differences is not good and will mean we won’t get along well.
During the dating and honeymoon phase, you may have ignored any differences between you and your spouse out of fear that discussing them would make you appear incompatible. After the honeymoon, those differences can start to surface. However, having a different view or opinion does not mean that your marriage is doomed to fail. It is not having differences in itself that may drive you apart. Instead, what may harm your relationship is not handling your differences in opinion in the right way. Take time to listen to your spouse’s ideas and opinions, and ask for an explanation when you are not sure you understand his point of view. Immediately dismissing his idea because it does not agree with yours means you have lost out on a great opportunity to connect with your spouse.
Couples with happy marriages never argue.
This myth is also based on unrealistic expectations. You and your spouse are two separate individuals and each of you has a unique personality, with needs and wants that sometimes conflict with that of the other person. It is how the disagreement is approached and resolved that makes the distinction between a healthy marriage and an unhealthy marriage. In a healthy marriage, issues are not buried in fear of causing an argument or, when an argument does occur, fought over in a hostile showdown where one person seeks to control the other. Instead, the issue is addressed in a constructive manner and both spouses are committed to adhering to the agreed- on compromise or resolution.
Getting married means feeling of passion and intimacy will decrease.
Getting married does not mean that you are doomed to lose all sense of romance. Maintaining your physically intimate relationship with your spouse does take work, though. You have to set aside time to connect emotionally with your spouse and strengthen your relationship. Make room in your schedule for date nights and time alone with your spouse.